The Ghost City of the Dating World

When I reached my twenties, by then a lot had happened and it seemed only right to take a hiatus and quote on quote ‘discover myself’. This meant that I withdrew as much as I could from the world at hand, but mainly from anything possible romantic. A man fast as it was being called then. In many ways, this was an important aspect of a world that was best left behind at that particular point in time. Well, a couple of weeks turned to months and then to a few years. After two years it seemed that I was more centred in my world than I had ever been. I had discovered a lot about myself and I was surrounded by those who I loved and love me back.


Adventure Training

It only seemed right that now I could open up my world to something a lot more. Possible romantic this time around. I may not have been actively searching, however, was I to meet someone that I liked I would be open to the idea of seeing ‘where it could go’.  So blindly entered into the world of dating. Now, this world if you have not yet dipped in your toes well sit back, get some tea and let me share. Naturally, I’m not one to overshare but as I reflect on the year and what I have learnt, this quote comes to mind.

“stop focusing on what you feel and remember what you deserve”.

This quote is a reminder to myself and my fellow females that we cannot eliminate our standards for momentary feels. Because it really is just that. Feelings come and go. Henceforth, when you meet someone don’t be so focused on how they make you feel instead focus on things like, do they walk the talk. Here are a few things that I have learnt from the ghost of dating past. 


Boy does this sting. If you haven’t experienced this yet. Thank your God and continue to bless Him. In fact, you know that tithe you haven’t been paying you should consider letting that be your New Year’s resolution.  What really confuses me about this is the offender’s lack of understanding that being honest goes a long way than just disappearing on a person. Because I don’t know about you but it has its psychological effects until of course, I am reminded that Sometimes God will block certain people from taking root in your life, because they will not bear good fruits. But really if you do this to anyone it is rude and cowardly. The most annoying thing, the offender is usually the one to initiate the situation to begin with. Just open your mouth and let a person know that you are no longer interested. SIMPLES!


Bear with me on this one because I’m still trying to get my head around it. There is the “we just met” but (even though this was weeks ago) we are just ‘talking’ and then we’re a ‘thing’ but we are not in the title of ‘couples’ and so on as the list goes. Is it just me that likes to keep it simple, two people who like each other spend time to get to know each other and then decide from there what they would like it to develop into? Apparently, it’s not so simple. Honestly I just can’t. 


I have to roll my eyes at this one. Nobody in this world is ever too busy. You make time for things that you want to make time for. There is no debate with this. Now I understand that life happens and you become consumed with other important matters but honestly, don’t BS me with the I’m “too busy line”. It’s actually an insult to one’s intelligence. Which leads me nicely into the Career focused one. Honestly, it’s great that you have such determination to pursue your dreams. This also means that you should stay focused on just that if you know you don’t have time for anything else. Again it is simple. 


In many ways, almost all that I have said is in relation to communication. It baffles me that in a generation of great technology which has given us many alternative ways to communicate, we (and yes I group myself in this category) seem to lack the basic etiquette of communicating with one another.  People aren’t really saying what they need to say because they are calculating a reaction. Don’t decide for me what you think my reaction is going to be. It seems as though the lack of communication is in line with a lack of honesty. Once you say the truth what can I the person really do to you, 99% of the time nothing! So say it with your chest and move on.  

Now I know most of these aren’t positive but it truly was what inspired this post as I sat down and thought. This cannot be it. There is no way this is what we’re left with. 


I didn’t know it to be possible but some individuals are actually good at making you feel bad about having standards, just wanting simple direction and expecting initiative. However, I wish to end this on a positive note. Being who I am, I choose to learn from all experiences. I have really grown an appreciation for the Cohort of beautiful, smart women I have around me who lift me up and push me to become the best version of me always. That knowing who you are at your core is at the epitome of self-esteem and confidence. So like I said from the beginning don’t lean on what you feel, because they are temporary and remember what you deserve so you don’t settle. And last advice to myself and anyone who can relate to this post, the greatest love of your life is yourself, don’t ever neglect the person looking back at you in the mirror. 


  1. Debs December 24, 2018 at 1:37 pm

    “greatest love of your life is yourself”- well said. Great read!!!

    1. Jane - Site Author December 28, 2018 at 1:50 pm

      thank you!!


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